In the beginning, there was light. Then there was a power outage and God had forgotten to save his program and all was lost, so then he had to rewrite it. Sad day. Or however millions of years writing that program took. So God tried again.
In the beginning, there was light. Then there was Sarah floating along in her happy little bubble, until it smacked into reality. Wait, glitch! Reality hasn't been created yet. So once again, God rebooted his computer, edited his program to fix the error and hit run one more time. This time there was a big BANG and his computer exploded, killing him in the blast and spewing out all sorts of radioactive matter that eventually turned into stars and planets and big macs. Somewhere between that tragic point 13.6 billion years ago and today, the lovely Earth came into being. And sometime within the Earths past three revolutions around the sun, Sarah's happy little bubble smacked into reality again and she realized it was time to get out of bed and go see the world. Of course, God hired Gilderoy Lockhart (where he came from only J.K. Rowling knows) to use the Obliviate charm to modify Sarah's memory, so she has no memory of smacking into that wall of reality the first time, or what the universe was like when it was just her and her happy little bubble bobbing along in the light. Maybe one day Voldemort will come along and torture her and she'll finally remember, like he did to Bertha Jorkins, but something's telling me Sarah would rather not know what life was like way back then.
So anyway, now the universe in all its vastness has a planet earth and a sun and a Sarah and her happy little bubble, which has popped at the base of the wall of reality. Still seems kind of small and pathetic, huh? How about, just for fun, we throw in some friends and good books and other things to do, maybe some mountains and an ocean and a moon. Just for the sake of watching people wreak havoc on each other, lets give Sarah and all her friends and acquaintances and the other 6 billion people on earth that she has never met some food and water and politicians. Oops, bad move. Now we've suddenly got war and peace, love and hate, and a whole bunch of other conceptual noun pairs to play with. Add some verbs, some heavy elements, and give humans brains with which they can't figure out what to do, and you've got a pretty amusing planet to laugh at. Lets just hope that theres some other planet on the other side of the galaxy that DIDN'T have so many errors in the program so they can take over our solar system once we have successfully eradicated ourselves.
Anyway, now that Sarah and all her friends and the internet exist, along with a whole bunch of other things unworthy of mention, she can start writing her blog and see how long it takes to successfully bore each and every one of her friends and readers that intentionally or accidentally stumbles across this page.
WARNING: In case you hadn't already figured it out, this blog is subject to a fair amount of politically incorrect ramblings, pointless rants, and maybe if we're lucky some deep philosophical thoughts about the number 42 (if you don't get it, go read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy instead of this blog). If you don't like me, don't know me, or don't even want to know me, you may be better off clicking that little red X up in the top right hand corner of your screen. Of course, if you've made it this far, you probably do know me or find what I have to say at least somewhat amusing or interesting, in which case I take no responsibility for addling with your mind, driving you insane, or otherwise damaging you by means of this blog. Nuph said.
No comments:
Post a Comment